ONE morning Tom Cruise woke up and found himself six inches taller than his usual self.
Either that or he has some explanations to do.
The 5ft 7inch (172cm) actor has mysteriously appeared taller in recent weeks, trigerring speculations that the Mission Impossible star has a huge secret hidden in his footwear. Does he?
At the Knight and Day movie photocall in Tokyo, Japan last week, Tom appeared to be as tall as his co-star Cameron Diaz, a 5ft 9in actress wearing a four-inch pair of heels!
And Tom was not wearing ‘elevator shoes’ either — you know, the kind of platform shoes made famous by 90s girl group Spice Girls. So, how is it possible that Tom did not seem vertically mismatched standing next to the tall and lanky Cameron?
Well, if you know anything about Hollywood by now is that nothing stays a secret forever, except for how the Kardashians are considered celebrities.
So, the kaypochis of the world set out to figure this mystery out and managed to find a possible explanation to Tom’s sudden growth spurt.
Apparently, the handsome Top Gun actor has been hiding a secret weapon in his footwear; inserts. These ‘inserts’ are inserted (duh!) into the shoes in order to discreetly lift a person’s heel, hence adding a few inches to their natural height.
No wonder Tom has been looking happier nowadays, posing with his wife Katie Holmes (also a 5ft 9in stunner) on red carpets, standing tall (pun intended) with his head held high.
But what is wrong in being shorter than your other-half, Tom?
Yes, being the same height as his wife will give people less opportunity to laugh at his stature, but didn’t he already make a joke out of himself jumping on Oprah’s couch many years ago?
Fact is, Tom should stop making us laugh at his attempt to fool the world into thinking that he is taller than he actually is.
We like Tom. Which explains why we watched Tropic Thunders even though the movie was ridiculous and he was in a fat, hairy suit throughout the whole thing.
Why is it difficult for Tom to embrace his height? Well, look at comedians Jon Stewart and Jack Black then. They are both about his height and the last time we checked, Jack was neither concerned with his height nor weight.
Okay, that was uncalled for, but get it? Even Mark Wahlberg who is an inch taller than Tom has no problem admitting that he is not as tall as other Hollywood hunks.
Mark still carries on living his life wearing flat footed shoes — no elevators, no platforms. And Mark is a successful man, isn’t he? He produces one of the highest-rated television series, Entourage, and is the lead actor in the recent hit movie The Other Guy.
Also, maybe he does not have reservations about his height because he knows that there are many celebrities who are way shorter than him (or at least as tall as him) in Hollywood.
Who, you ask? Erm, like Ryan Seacrest? The American Idol host and reason why the world is hooked on to Keeping Up With The Kardashians and Kourtney and Khloe Take Miami is only 5ft 8in (173cm) and look at how happy he is. Have you seen his girlfriend Julienne Hough? She is super hot and obviously does not mind dating a short man. Height definitely doesn’t matter to her.
So, there you go… a list of men who do not meet the height requirement by Hollywood’s standard but still manage to live their lives without the help of elevator shoes or inserts.
Sharm says: Go back to being your original self, Tom – handsome, weird and short. We like you that way.