My bestfriend, B, just broke up with her boyfriend, A. After their breakup I started exchanging text messages with A frequently because he always had things to complain about my bestfriend.

One day, A confessed his love to me. I accepted it at the time without knowing that he had already reconciled with B and are together again!
B also did not know that A had asked me to be his girlfriend. When we both realised what A had done, we decided to confront him and demand an explanation.

A told us that he did not want to let either of us go and that he did not want B and I to be hurt. I gave A an ultimatum and asked him to choose between me and my friend.

He chose B instead of me. I was speechless but I just accepted his decision.
I felt like A had made a fool of me and my heart was just a toy for him to play with. B broke up with him again because she felt that our friendship was more valuable than A’s love. Now, B is in a new relationship with someone else, but somehow A is still waiting for her to get back with him.

I feel like I’m stuck in the middle. I still love him and I think he loves me. But, at the same time, he also loves my friend.

I am so confused. Do I choose friendship or love? — Stuck

Su Ann

At this point, it should be clear that A is not particularly trustworthy. He lied to both you and B, and you have correctly identified that he made a fool out of you. Does he really deserve attention from you?

B, seems to have moved on with her life. You should endeavour to do the same and not linger around a guy who could not decide between two girls and ultimately chose to lie to both of them for his own benefit.

It is noble of B to have thought of your friendship in her decision to break up with A. This favour should be returned by you, and the choice between A and B should be fairly obvious, given that one person lied to you and the other person had your feelings in mind.

It would be a blessing if your friendship with B is still salvageable. Work on being a good friend to B and supporting her in her new relationship. You deserve a lot better than a guy who toys around with your feelings, and B deserves a lot better than a friend who would choose a cheating guy over her.


Things sound heated, so slow down and give yourself time to breathe. Think about the situation first. A is indecisive and wants to be with another person, so let him be. Love is a strong word. It wasn’t right for him to say that to you, and go for your friend shortly after.

Figure out what friendship means to you. If it means complete support and happiness, then make sure A is happy – whatever his choice. That’s a big step to make. But identifying your feelings is the best thing to do right now. It might be difficult, but try not to make this situation intense.

If you ask me, A can’t decide. You’ve asked him bluntly and he chose your friend. Let go. You’ll meet other boys. Make this a learning experience by being with people who are clear about their feelings and want to be with you – your family or friends.

Take the time that you would give to A and use it for yourself. Make new friends, find a hobby. Don’t be sad for too long. There are plenty of things out there that can make you happy. Snap out of your sadness, and grab those moments.

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