I AM 16 and I’ve known V for four years. We weren’t close before, but we now hang out a lot and he often calls me.My friends told me that he likes me and has a crush on me because he calls me darling in front of his friends.

Without thinking much of it, I asked him about it but he said he had no such feelings and cut me off.For nine months we didn’t communicate, text or meet each other but recently we became friends again and I apologised about the issue.

This year we became even closer than the previous year – he will grab my hand and ask me to sit beside him. He also showed he cared about me a lot, and even pinches my cheeks without any reason.

I became really mad and had a fight with V. Then we didn’t talk for a week. After that, when I passed by, he smiled at me and grabbed my hand and said sorry. I felt freaky when he mentioned that he missed me a lot. I told my friends about that and they said it symbolised friendship or a special relationship.

What is the best solution for my problem? — Finding Truth


Speak to him

People can be flirty for any number of reasons, sometimes with earnest intentions and sometimes just to flex what they believe is their charming personality.

However, when friendships become excessively flirty on just one side, things can quickly become complicated and awkward.

Try to separate V’s intentions from his actions and deal with them separately. Perhaps you might realise that it is not quite so urgent what his intentions are or whether he truly has feelings for you. The more important issue is that his actions are causing you to feel uncomfortable, and that is more than enough reason to have a talk with him.

However, it is important to have this conversation in a gentler and less blunt manner than you did the last time. Speak with him gently so that he does not get scared off again, but directly enough so that he understands his responsibility in this situation.

Don’t accuse him of treating you differently because he has feelings for you, because that might very well not be true and it might offend him. Rather, tell him you’ve noticed his fluctuating behaviour, and ask him if there is anything that happened in his life lately that’s causing this change, and if he would like to talk about it with you. Perhaps then he will open up and give you some insight into how he has been acting around you lately. This information will also help you deal with V better in future situations.

Be a patient friend to V and don’t be quick to jump to conclusions. Your friends are not anymore privy to how V is feeling than you are, so don’t make your decisions based on what other people merely observe and judge without knowing. Take control of your own situations and find out the truth for yourself. — Su Ann


Take the lead

Take control of the situation. Instead of waiting for V to make the first move or define what you both are, you should take the lead. Is he the kind of guy that you want as a friend? Then treat him as such. Hang out together, and have fun as friends. Is V someone you’d like to know as a boyfriend? Then approach him that way. Be good friends, earn each other’s trust, and in time you’ll get closer.

Whatever decision you make, the only way forward is to have a chat with him. Expressing feelings to each other can be uncomfortable, but it’s important to know where you both stand and how you feel about each other. Try your best to understand where he’s coming from.

Most importantly, this is about what you want, and making it happen. Learn to trust your instincts – why did you feel “freaky” when he said he misses you? Ask yourself – how exactly do I feel towards V?

The answers to these questions are within you, so let your answers guide the next step. Based on what you’ve described, letting V decide what happens next is tiring – sometimes he’s kind, sometimes he’s cold. Sometimes he’s just plain weird. You deserve better than that. So take control and create the situation you want. — Rusyan

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